What Do the Sunday Scaries Have to Tell Us?
I sometimes get hit by the Sunday Scaries, especially during challenging periods like right now while taking a public speaking course that resurrects old fears and rivals grad school in mindshare and minutes. But these Sunday Scaries got me thinking - what are they really, and how can we leverage them to our advantage?
Understanding the Sunday Scaries
Defined as anxiety or dread for the coming week, the Sunday Scaries manifest as butterflies in my stomach, accompanied by the Tower of Terror's stomach drop whenever I think about the thing I’m avoiding thinking about.
If I were a marketing pro selling the Sunday Scaries, I would pitch the benefits of the Sunday Scaries as a navigation signal waiting to be seen and heard: Beware of burnout. Recalibrate. Stay the course.
Sometimes we avoid acknowledging the Sunday Scaries because they are so unpleasant or we are afraid of what they have to tell us, but the Scaries have valuable information for us if we pause long enough to listen.
The only way we become stuck is if we stop listening.
Deciphering the Sunday Scaries' Message
Reason #1. When I experience the Sunday Scaries, it's often a signal to recalibrate. The giveaway is that I dread the avalanche of tasks awaiting me after a break, be it a weekend or a vacation. I have a well-intentioned habit of overextending myself due to my voracious appetite for learning, my thrill for new challenges, and my willingness to help others. But this pattern keeps me trapped in a relentless flow of activities, numbing out the need to slow down and risking collateral damage to my most important relationships, including the one with myself.
Reason #2. Other times I get the Sunday Scaries when stretching myself in new and uncomfortable ways. The learning journey comprises four predictable and unavoidable phases:
Unconscious Incompetence
Conscious Incompetence
Conscious Competence
Unconscious Competence
The Conscious Incompetence phase, where we're painfully aware of our incompetence, often triggers the Sunday Scaries. In this phase, the temptation to retreat to safer ground, where I feel competent, is strong. But the commitment to my best future self pushes me forward despite the discomfort. The tension between current state and desired state fuels the Scaries.
How I Listen to My Sunday Scaries
I close my eyes and turn on my emotional Wi-Fi to tune into the discomfort. I breathe and notice where the Sunday Scaries reside in my body. I allow the emotion to roll in and use my breath to relax my jaw, drop my shoulders, and expand my rib cage. I observe the intensity of the emotion as it ebbs and flows. It helps to remind myself that emotion only lasts 60-90 seconds in the body and to feel it ebb like the tide. This process feels liberating, allowing the feelings to move naturally, and my physical body thanks me as tense muscles relax. “What have you got for me today?” I ask my Sunday Scaries.
If it's Recalibration
Like cleaning out an overdue closet, the recalibration process begins with acknowledging the need for change. I take inventory of everything on my plate and ask myself:
What can I stop doing altogether?
What can I delegate now that I couldn't before?
What can I manage better with clear boundaries?
During certain phases of our professional development, there are times when we must accept roles, assignments, bosses, or geographical locations that we may not initially desire. In these instances, the recalibration embraces the mindset of a "tour of duty." While creature comforts will provide some comfort during a tour of duty, the real magic is self-coaching ourselves through the process of zig-zagging our way to a dream. Without self-coaching, our minds can quickly run away with the fear of permanence, making us feel stuck and stressed. Embracing the “tour of duty” mindset empowers us to move forward confidently and make the most of the experience with small recalibrations.
If it's Conscious Incompetence
Recognizing the significance of this phase doesn't make the Sunday Scaries disappear, but it does grant patience and compassion. This stage involves stretching ourselves, learning new skills, embracing new mindsets, and putting ourselves out there in new ways. There is no such thing as staying in our comfort zone while we are growing - they are mutually exclusive.
Full disclosure: as a confident and practiced public speaker, I am squarely in Conscious Incompetence as I go through my
Grad course. I am unlearning my habit of winging it, being coached by fantastic writing and performance coaches who are solidly in my corner and in a kickass cohort of people stretching themselves in similar ways. The Sunday Scaries are a weekly companion. If I didn’t know what I know, I would be tempted by the voice of my almost reasonable Inner Critic to retreat to well-known ground, talking myself back into being comfortable with rational-sounding thoughts like “I don’t have time for this right now.”We get to decide whether Sunday Scaries merely represent negative energy, causing perseverating fear in a recurring pattern and draining us of our mojo. Or if they can be transformed into catalysts for positive change. The next time the Sunday Scaries strike, remind yourself that they are not an inevitable burden unless you choose to ignore them. Instead, view them as powerful navigation signals guiding you toward your next chapter. Embrace the discomfort, slow down, and listen, for within these emotions is the information you need to keep growing, whether it be recalibration or putting one foot in front of the other, one-stepping your way to an audacious goal.